i fear. i fear what might come. expected or unexpected. why does it have to be that way? why do things change? why do people change so abruptly and leave us feeling so lost and confused? adapting is hard. accepting the fact is hard. getting used to the idea that something is no longer what it used to be is even harder. but people try. at least they want to. they say that they will try. but along the way, they themselve lose it. i know it may not be something that we can control, and that is very hurtful. fate and destiny meddle. we can only try. so why is it that even when we do try, we still cant achieve what our hearts desire?
this may sound random but its true, and it plays in my mind every single day. changes. disappointing changes that is. i know i have to be ready for any circumstances but its so painful to think that one day it might really happen to me. maybe i would be the one that changes first. who knows? maybe coz we are supposed to take a different route in life. maybe we just need to learn to adapt and accept the fact.
moving on is another thing. it has something to do with getting used to the idea of changes. after so long living a life revolving around something, and suddenly that main structure is taken away. what do we do then? wakin up someday and realising its no longer there and everything else is not the same anymore. then we wish that we can turn back time and change whatever mistakes we have made. but its not possible and then we start regretting. but what is the point? we can only learn from it and pray hard that we will be able to not let it happen again...
the idea of everything being wasted and that we wont be as complete anymore; how do we get used to that? if only we know what is in store for us in the future. well, its better to stop wondering now. we just have to live life the way we choose to. dont hold back so much. dont let regret of the past interfere with the present. but yes, it is easier said than done. saying this now, maybe i wont practice it afterwards. i dont know. all i can do for now is hope. and try my best to keep things the way it is, and pray really hard that if something were to happen, i would be able to endure the pain and not let it get to me so much.
memories fade. its true. so sad, but so true. i dont want my memories to fade. never ever. i need them. i need to remember and i cant afford to forget. some memories hurt and some are wonderful. forgetting is the worst thing that anyone could do. but that doesnt mean we have to live in the past and ponder over it every single day. it just simply means that we should remember the turns that we took in life, and the opportunities we missed or grabbed. the memories that i made in the past, i would always remember. the sad thing is, sometimes the people that we share the memories with, dont. and we are stuck thinking that maybe it didnt matter to them as much and we realise that they have moved on so much faster. i would love to relive those happy days. but i guess it wont be the same anymore. i found it hard to accept in the beginning. but after making all these theories and seeing where it truly led to, i have made a conclusion for myself.
moving on is the best, but remembering the past is important as well. and living life the best way we could, will just make our future even better and then we can compare the things that we did in the past, the mistakes we made, and see how much we have learnt. we get to decide the paths we should take, make wiser judgements and finally understand that everything happens for a reason.

changes

sometimes u close ur eyes for a while and when u open, everything around u have changed and u feel lost. u feel scared. u panic. and u look for the main thing that ur life has revolved around. when u dont find it, u go crazy. eventually. for me, i would just stand in one spot and wait for everything to come back to me. i never actually experienced something exactly like this, but i know a lot of people had. they take some time to get over it, but it will stay inside them, like a scar that wont go away. there was a song that goes something like "the scars remind us that the past is real". how true.
the past present and future. people keep on pondering about all the possibilities that might occur during those three periods. human nature i suppose. some choose to forget and move on. some choose to linger in the past and let it take over the present and the future. like ive said many times before, the past prepares us for the future. that is why, everything happens for a reason. so why do i keep repeating myself? maybe because this whole matter wont leave my mind and i get stuck on it everytime as i find it so enigmatic and relative to my life. to everybody's life.

or maybe in a different case scenario, u wake up and find urself disappointed that nothing has changed at all. certain people wish that their lives werent made up of certain elements but they cant exactly do anything about it. so they hope and hope and keep on hoping till they only see and believe what they want to. they live in denial. they forget to sit and breathe for a moment to digest everything in. these people may not have control over these things and so we cant really say anything about it. psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists do their job to understand what's really running through the minds of these so called senile people. what if it happens to u? to me? will i be able to convince myself?
perhaps i am now able to draw a conclusion and its safe to say that maybe ive come up with all these opinions and thoughts just because i want to believe them myself and that hopefully when my life takes an unexpected turn, i would at least have some ability to talk myself through based on all this. yes, thats exactly what ive been thinking of. how people are able to convince others but its such a chore to convince themselves.

second thoughts

People say and do things they dont mean. at least after they have said and done it, they feel they dont mean it. Why is it that many people cant keep promises? Why is it that they have to be so fickle minded? okay, so they cant control their emotions. but they can control their actions right? in a way,yes, but still the mind influences the actions so, thats where the whole fickle minded thingy comes in. they turn their backs on the things that they once believed in. for example, leaving someone after so long of being together just because suddenly they have a late second thought. late second thoughts are a result of immaturity of the mind and inability of contemplating with oneself. i have to say, ive experienced a lot of late second thoughts. but those days are over even though once in a while my alter ego steps in and takes over my mind.
still, im able to control my thoughts and hopefully this time i wont make any stupid mistakes that would soon end with regret. thinking of what could have been, what should have been and stuff like that.i dont want to see those days anymore. i want to take all the chances that i have and even though maybe i wont gain anything, at least i get a taste of what its like. so, get out there and do the outragous things in life!! 20 years from now u wud at least want to remember why u lived. doing things that might seem stupid yet fun. What have u got to lose? As long as u do it the right way, there's nothing to fret about..again, the memories would truly matter in the future even though they might seem overrated now.