It is so weird to realise after so long that what you've felt the whole time was just...an illusion.

As much as you want to be in denial, you cant. Your heart cant lie. It's not the same anymore and it hits you with such a pang that you are so taken aback about the truth of it all.

you wont even know what it is anymore. you want it to be something else, something which has been planted at the back of your mind, what you believe. you try to convince yourself that it is what you think it is, what you want it to seem as, but deep down, it's all gone. somewhere, somehow.

It hurts to not realise earlier that what you've been waiting for is not what you're really looking for.