school obsession

school.

what do i think of school?

on a good day : no physics. no est. no 9&10. monday, friday.
good moments : chemistry and agama class

most hateful day of the week : THURSDAY

oh yeah there may be no 9 & 10, BUT there is physics, AND i have accounts(i still have NO BLOODY IDEA WHY IM TAKING THIS USELESS SUBJECT), AND physics tuition like...half an hour after accounts finishes. it's like...i never fail to be depressed on this day. two subjects i despise and dont get and two most boring tuition teachers i have ever met. gah

good moments of tuition : maths, monday evening. mrs chee. haha. chemistry, tuesday night. cheryl law as my source of entertainment. hehehe.


another reason for me to hate going to school these days : morning and after recess assemblies. i'm a prefect and therefore i shall say no more. *sigh*.
oh, and monday assemblies. prefects dont get to sit even tho i clearly recall pn emilda saying that we are allowed to. now, its not that im lazy to stand or anything, coz ive physically gotten used to it, but i feel so...err..exposed. yeah thats the word. we stand among those who sit and whatever we do is more obvious so..yeah. bad exposed naked feeling. am i gonna get in trouble for writing this? hmm i wonder.

homeworks. need i say more? they give out homeworks like they give out eggs or something. heh. problem is, when they do give the homework, it doesnt seem all that bad. bt when we reach home and see our beds, we realise just how tired we are and we no longer can resist the temptation of just dozing off. and then we wake up feeling even more tired and give up on doing the homework given on that particular day. then we put it off until it mounts up and bladibla you know how it goes. damn.

exams: yes people, just one and a half weeks away. this year, i never expect A1 or whatever good excellent results. all i want is to pass all the subjects and get it over with. my expectations have gone down the drain and i dont know when it will rise again. exam stress gets to me very easily. makes me confused and lose all my feelings for everything. even the little things that i have been obsessed/excited/goo goo gaa gaa about.


yes, this is what school life is all about. and added with the fact that we are "on our way to becoming sekolah cemerlang" thingy. dont know how ill survive this year but yeah. i dont have any words of wisdom tonight (yes, u can express ur gratitude now, joey) coz im just too sick of the fact that tomorrow got school.

*note* see?? even I am not in the mood to go to school...seriously, this is like the 1st year ive ever complained bout being sick of school. *gasp*

Dear Convent rendah girls

Damn i miss sek rendah.

I know the rules sucked and the teachers babbled a lot and there were a lot of pressure and crap, but i loved the sports day, i loved the koko training that did not involve "respecting senior" or the overly excessive demand of being disciplined and in the end resulting in us having no fun at all. Secondary school sucks.

We were free to run in the padang and not feel any shame or have any reluctance. We had teamwork and we had fun. I remember the kawad kaki pengakap. It was the best memories of my last year in primary school. We spent hours and hours in school training for it and i remember how i was constantly looking forward to see the afternoon session teachers *cough*. Yes, that was also the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Then there would be the kelas tambahan we had every thursday and friday. I remember that thursday was science and maths. Me and my gang would eat the cake they sold at the canteen and we would just laugh our asses off. We complained to Puan Zarina that the cake made us go crazy and she believed us. A few months after, they stopped selling those cakes. Hehehe. Me and Kareema would always have our weekly thursday drama in the science lab. It always involved deep conversations, arguments and tears. LOL. scary tho when i think of it again.

Then there were the trips. I remember 3 or four of em. First there was the one where we went to the Pusat Sains Negara and the PWTC. It was really fun and we did all the crazy stuff there. Syafira went googoo gaa gaa over Farid Kamil who wasnt even that cute in real life. Then there was the school trip to MELAKA. yes, sucks but it was still fun. I recall me and adiba making up a story on how the chalet was haunted and we told ju chin bout it. Ju chin eventually told everyone and everyone was freaked out. Sigh. Those were the days. It was an interesting trip tho. Loved shopping at mahkota parade.

And for me, the KEMBARA BUDAYA. Thats where i met sindhu actually. and wan ri. Lisa, Ju chin and Zafira went with me. We went to melaka, negeri sembilan and johor obviously. It was damn cun!! It was held by the kementerian seni warisan budaya or something like that lah. Was really cool and i also remember that i was the only female ketua kumpulan and i had to hang out with lame sengal guys at the prize giving ceremony. Oh, and of course, the trip sure tak sah without a scandal. Some dude-which is a friend of my childhood fren of 13 years, Azfar-whose name is...i forgot, apparently had a stupid crush on me and told all the facilitators. I am not being perasan ah, cik rozi told me one. I was being stalked for four days. Nice memories. haha.

And then there was UPSR and the whole leaving school thing. Was really sad...even though i knew id only be next door, it was definite that it wouldnt be the same again. We cant even go back to visit the teachers or the school, coz then we would get caught and whatever. I had a dream last night. I was standing at the std 4 corridor watching the kids doing the formasi for the kawad kaki pengakap(note: after my batch, they didnt win anything. according to some source). I was crying, if i wasnt mistaken. Then out of the blue, our ex science teacher (ala, u ppl know who rite, i duwan say the name anyway. lol) came beside me and just stared with a puzzled look. I dont think i answered anything and then the image disappeared.

Yes, we all miss sek rendah. Esp the culture and stuff. Convent girls will always be the best no matter what they do and where they go. Everyone is able to recognize who we are and thats what make us so special. Maybe not special in all the good aspects, but still, we possess qualities that other students dont. so, dont forget that. ;)

Tagged AGAIN

1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. Tag eight people at the end of this post and list their names.
4. Let them know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment on their blogs. OK? All set?
here goes...

1. I think too much about everything that happens to me.

2. it's pretty obvious but as most of u people know, i tend to notice cute guys miles away WITHOUT my specs and u people know lah how rabun i am

3. my friends know me too well edi. anything that happens they can always predict what it would be about. drama, duh.

4. im seriously blur. i can see people 30 feet away and yet wont be able to notice my friends right in front of me. this is proven by that time syiqah and kareema were running towards me but i was looking for them right over their shoulders. yeah.

5.i dont get over stuff easily. or...i dont get over stuff AT ALL. and as of course you would know to what i am referring to. clue. it either starts with P or J. hahaha

6. i am capable of being totally ignorant to whatever someone has said when im in a deep thinking mode.

7. i look and act old most of the time. my friend in Australia told me his boss thinks im 30. *sigh*

8. i am unstable.

1. everyone
2. that
3. bothers
4. to
5. or
6. have
7. no
8. life

i cannot change who i am. i dont even want to change who i am. and because of that, i wish you could change who you are. but neither can you do that.

a hole is all that is left. a chasm. without a bridge to connect to the other end.

it's a funny, funny thing.

one moment you had the direction you were going to take, and then..you think and think again. so many factors to consider, so many odds.

one moment you think you had it, and bam! you cant be more wrong.

babbling at midnight. aisyah sengal signing off. ;)

It is so weird to realise after so long that what you've felt the whole time was just...an illusion.

As much as you want to be in denial, you cant. Your heart cant lie. It's not the same anymore and it hits you with such a pang that you are so taken aback about the truth of it all.

you wont even know what it is anymore. you want it to be something else, something which has been planted at the back of your mind, what you believe. you try to convince yourself that it is what you think it is, what you want it to seem as, but deep down, it's all gone. somewhere, somehow.

It hurts to not realise earlier that what you've been waiting for is not what you're really looking for.

help me

I dont like being in 4 science 1. I dont like being in form 4.

Stress+pressure+high expectations = psychological harm.


sigh. dont want to be lawyer anymore.

language

dont know why suddenly today im in the mood to blog. maybe coz its a friday and tomorrow is gonna be depressing for me. syiqah blogged bout the how people say malay girls who speak english a lot have already forgotten their roots. all i wanna say is this : kalo kitorang ckp english pun, bukannye kitorang tak reti ckp melayu kan?? ade ke kitorang berlagak nak ckp bombastik nye english kat korang? takde kan?

the thing is, we dont speak english coz we wanna berlagak/perasan terer. dah tentu in this era of globalisation, and we also live in a world where english is so the very penting, of coz lah kene ckp english kan..ive been schooling in an english school for the past 10 years. majority of the students are non malays and my close frens are non malays. okay, so you may say why cant they speak malay instead? well..fact is, sometimes we do use malay to speak. like me, cheryl, sindhu, joey, florence, irene all pernah speak malay to each other ape.

whatsmore, being in convent means you have to know how to speak english if you dont want to be discriminated. The stigma is this : malay girls dunno how to speak english

so why dont we change that mindset?? huh?


i hate the fact that language barrier is a problem for me to communicate with people. i go tuition, the malay students look at me one kind coz i speak english with my friends. then i find out they are intimidated coz i speak english and therefore i am sombong or too "high standard" to be their friends. its a really menyakitkan hati punye thing coz some of the guys are cute! and they think this and that bout girls like us. hampeh.


okay, so i listen to english music, watch english movies, read only english books, write in english, talk in english 90% of the time, doesnt mean i have forgotten about my malay roots. I just prefer things in english. That's all. It's my domain. I know when to speak malay and who to speak malay to. I realise that this has become some sort of sensitive issue in our lives.

personally, it causes a minor identity crisis in me. i know this applies to some as well. It's like...when you speak english in the presence of the malays who dont, you'd feel conscious. Why? Coz we're afraid of what they may think or say. macam tak kene tempat la.

i do converse mostly in english and as embarrassing as it is, my bm's getting worse. haha. in exams that is.

i knw what people would say to this : just be yourself.

but sometimes its not that easy.